May 24

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Remembering the ruts and holes I used to dig myself into, I have finally realized that many of my depressions are caused by my character defect of procrastination. I wait until the last moment to do all the things I have been planning to do for several months. When everything falls due at the same time, it is not possible to accomplish all the goals, and then I lay a guilt trip to depression land. I am learning to keep my "job list" realistic and to do the best I can with it.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Remind me that procrastination can lead me one rut closer to my deep hole of depression.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will do at least one thing from my "job list" today, whether big or small, and be grateful I could accomplish something; there were many days in the past when I could not.

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May 23

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Comparing myself to others continues to be a well established habit which does not diminish easily. I repeatedly fall into comparing my inside to the outside of others. I see the self-assurance others exhibit as a sign of their independence, self-reliance and success, and as indication they have no problems; therefore, I am unlike them. My self-pity and low self-esteem grow to gigantic extremes. I become silent and withdrawn or sarcastic and verbally abusive. In fighting back, I hurt others because I hurt. I do not look further. If I did, I would discover they, too, have an equal amount of problems with which they must cope, but they choose not to let their problems overwhelm them.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Please be with me and help me overcome my habit of comparing myself with others. Help me to see the good in myself, as well as in others.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I am only hurting myself when I compare myself to others.

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May 22

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
There are times when my anger is enjoyable and almost fun - particularly when I feel I have been treated unfairly. I relish feeling sorry for myself and love to go over and over in my mind the grievances done to me. I perform a play mentally and plan the bitter confrontation soon to come. I play both roles and write the script for the wrong doer and the wronged. I enjoy the taste of the words I'm going to use. I don't sleep well while I am rehearsing this mental play, and soon I am angry with myself and the whole world. That is when the fun stops. That is when the truth sets in. That is when I realize I am hurting only myself. The person I have lost sleep over has been sleeping soundly all the time. That is the time when I start praying for the person I am angry with.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Help me to plan a mental script which uses the words, "I forgive you."

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Anger is an emotion I cannot nurture; it costs me my serenity.

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May 21

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
How often have we expected 100 percent from a friend and felt disillusioned because that person could not meet our expectations? On the other hand, how many of us have a tendency to gravitate toward people who can only give 25 percent? We may be so used to receiving only crumbs in our relationships, we think that is all we deserve. Yet, as we grow, we discover we deserve to have people in our lives who can give us 90 percent - at least some of the time. In fact, to grow to our potential, we need a handful of friends who think we are terrific and wonderful - at least 75 percent of the time.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Higher Power, guide me to relationships which will help me realize my potential.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will seek relationships which value me, relationships on an equal level. In turn, I will value my friends.

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May 20

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
The mind is so powerful in its ability to rationalize. It can make us believe the truth is a lie and what is false, reality. As we recognize how we so often delude ourselves with our thinking, we see how necessary it is to have friends with whom we are able to share anything. We have suffered enough from our self-defeating behavior. We do not deserve to keep hurting ourselves. Unless we wish to continue suffering, we will be open and honest with someone.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I not take action blindly. First I will share my plan with someone I trust.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Openness and honesty are keys to acting responsibly.

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May 19

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Until I began to accept my dependency, I was unable to become independent in a healthy manner. As I struggled with my dependency, I came to accept the support and care I needed. I have matured and gained great freedom. Today I can accept that I am both dependent and needy, as well as being independent. This is what makes me human.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I recognize my need for others, yet not expect others to take care of me.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
No one can do for me what I need to do for myself, but I need others to encourage me and support my efforts.

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May 18

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
I am getting to be who I want to be. My own self was buried for so long I did not know who or what I was. The program has taught me honesty, which has enabled me to start knowing the real me. I no longer have the desperate need for approval from others. My own approval of me is more important. I am gaining a firm sense of self and a good feeling of confidence. I like the real me as I am. That does not mean I can't be better. It just means I can be satisfied with who I am right now, as long as I keep trying for improvement.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Thank You, God, for helping me to learn that self satisfaction is not the same as false pride.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Today I am terrific!

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May 17

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
In the program I grow in awareness of my need for God and my need for people. I go to God for quiet times of prayer and meditation. This relationship with people draws me back again to God. Because I am a dependent person, finding a balance did not come overnight. But the balance of God and others in my life now brings me moments of comfort, peace, belonging, and security. I have found a place which feels like home.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
When I am uncertain about my direction, help me to reach out to You and then to others.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will reach out to God, and I will reach out to a friend.

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May 16

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
What does it really mean when I say in Step Six, "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character"? It means I have to stop struggling, remembering I admitted my powerlessness in Step One, and put the responsibility for the removal of my character defects into the hands of God. Am I then supposed to just sit idly by, waiting, "twiddling my thumbs"? Certainly not. I have a responsibility, too. My part, however, is not to enter into the struggle again, but to become increasingly aware of the reality and presence of God in my life. To prepare myself for this, I have to spend some time each day alone with my Higher Power in quiet prayer and meditation. This daily discipline is my assignment.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May Your presence in my life become ever more real to me, and may I open myself daily to Your guidance.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
The struggle is not mine; I put it in God's hands. My part is to draw nearer to God.

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May 15

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Sometimes people tend to try and control others for their own needs. Even though I fell into the receiving end of this most of my life, I now have a choice in the matter. I can refuse to be controlled by others, if I do what is right for me, without fear of repercussions or verbal abuse. I am stronger now, and my courage to speak up on matters of principle comes from my Higher Power. I will not turn down this gift of courage because of fear of what others might think, say, or do in retaliation.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I realize that what others do or say is not necessarily an honest judgment of me as a person. Even if they meant it as such, I need only answer to You.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I do not have to let others control me. I have the Twelve Steps to use as my guide, not the judgments of others.

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May 14

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
I came to EA as a last resort and I wanted to get well yesterday. I did not want to admit powerlessness as I believed that other people were to blame for the mess I was in. If I could just get those other people to change I would be okay. The program taught me that I have not power or authority to control or change anyone but myself. That power derives from God, not from me. The first change was in my attitude. Step One meant that my powerlessness had to become an essential part of my thinking, feeling, and acting. I must stop trying to control the uncontrollable (other people) and start correcting what I have the right to change (my own attitudes and actions).

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I accept my own powerlessness and ask for and accept your power.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I cannot change anyone or anything but myself, and then only with the help of God.

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May 13

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
In reflecting on my childhood, I see how fear affected me and helped form my decisions to be a "good" person, an approval seeker, and to put someone else in charge of my life - someone I saw as stronger than me. At first this was my parent: later it was my mate. Fear caused me to feel helpless, inadequate, and insecure. When I make someone else responsible for me, I have unrealistic expectations of those persons. They cannot possibly live up to them. I constantly set myself up for disappointment and hurt. I blame them when things go wrong. I may retaliate with anger or with emotional withdrawal. How much better for me to accept responsibility for my own happiness and to let go of expecting others to do for me what I need to do for myself.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I realize that my strength must come from a power greater than myself, not from other human beings.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Faith lets us face our fears.

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May 12

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
The program teaches us that when we turn our will and our life over to a Higher Power, that Higher Power will guide our lives. But, I asked myself, how will I know what to do? What is my Higher Power's responsibility and what is mine? The insight came: turn it over. God will show me what to do and how to do it. In a meeting, during meditation, reading or in conversations, an answer or idea comes. Once God gives me direction, I need to take action.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I remember that when You guide my life it goes smoother than when I try to control it myself.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
God knows better than I do what is best for me.

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May 11

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
One of my worst habits has been that of finding fault and criticizing others for what they do or do not do. I have learned that habits are changed by replacing the bad with the good. I know now that when I look for something to praise and appreciate in someone, I do not have the inclination to criticize. Finding fault is replaced with understanding, tolerance, love, and patience. Just as I know God made me and loves me as I am, I must remember God feels the same about the other person. There is alway something good in every one. I need to recognize the good.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Remind me always to look for the spark of good in a person before I judge harshly.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I hate to be criticized; so do others.

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May 10

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
I often did things for others to make me feel good about myself, but the good feelings lasted only temporarily. What an exciting discovery to become aware my good feelings could never last from only "doing." Good feelings had to come to me from "being," as in being aware of what is really going on inside of me and accepting myself as I am, being responsible for myself, sharing my feelings with others and asking for what I need. Self-worth is actually a by-product of being honest. By following the guidance of my Higher Power, who often works through other people, I can take the risk of being myself and letting my actions be led.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Thank You, God, for this new understanding. If I forget and try to go back to get my self-worth from only doing, I trust You will give me a nudge to let me know I am headed down the wrong path.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Self-worth comes from being honest and responsible.

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May 9

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Since being in the program, I have often heard about acceptance. In the past I have assumed acceptance meant resigning myself to the fact there were many things I could not change or control: situations, people, and often even myself. Lately the word acceptance has taken on a new meaning. I have come to understand that acceptance also means taking the gifts my Higher Power offers. These gifts - serenity, courage, wisdom, and love - are freely given. My Higher Power puts these gifts before me every minute of my life. I need only accept them. Sometimes I am blind to them or refuse to believe they are really mine. I see strings attached when, in reality, I am being offered the gift of freedom. However, the gifts never stop being offered, even when I reject them. No matter what I do or do not do, these gifts are never withdrawn. Acceptance means we can take these gifts which have always been, and will always be, meant for us.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I accept all the gifts You so freely offer.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Acceptance is the gift of love I can give myself today and every day.

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May 8

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
If I think I am perfect, then I cannot make mistakes. I either have to deny the mistakes I do make or blame them on someone else (difficult if the other person refuses to accept blame). Because I must do a thing perfectly or not at all, I am afraid to try something new. I might make mistakes while learning, or I might make a fool of myself. I cannot be human if I insist on being perfect. Only humans can have fun by allowing themselves to appear foolish while making mistakes and learning from them.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I remember the fun I missed trying to be perfect, and the energy I wasted holding back or trying too hard. May I not take myself so seriously.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
Only God is perfect. I am human; therefore, I will mistakes.

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May 7

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
This day will bring new challenges. I shall be faced with situations which I may label as positive or negative. Since being in the program, it is easier for me to handle the positive. In dealing with the negative, I need to act positively by reaching out to others through phone calls, meetings, and meditating. These are all things the program teaches me to do, and they work.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
When things puzzle me and do not render themselves to an easy solution, help me to turn them over to You for special handling.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
What my mind cannot fathom can always be delegated to my Higher Power for proper disposition.

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May 6

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Once upon a time I thought I was a victim. People and circumstances had me caught, and I was angry that no one came to rescue me. I know now that a power greater than myself can set me free any moment, if I am willing. If I am willing, God is able. People who I thought hated me, gossiped about me, ignored me, or scorned me had a hook in me. I let them control my feelings. I was surprised to discover I could remove that hook by including them in my prayers.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
I pray for gentleness, generosity, and gratitude.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I need never be a victim. God's power and my willingness make me a victor.

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May 5

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Although it is scary to risk being open and vulnerable, the person who is able to do so in a relationship has much to gain. The person who remains closed may feel in control, but this is only an illusion and can block the love needed for a meaningful existence. Each time we risk being open and vulnerable we allow someone to truly know us. We open ourselves to the experience of feeling loved. We also learn about our capacity to love.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I risk being open and gladly accept the gift of love.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
To be known is to be loved.

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May 4

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Sometimes it is difficult to say thank you. When the good life of EA becomes a habit, we express gratitude for the big miracles; but what about the little day-to-day "gifts from above"? One way which has worked for me is to buy a box of inexpensive and decorative thank-you notes, or make my own. Then I give myself a time limit, two weeks or a month, to use up every note. This makes me even more aware of how God gives me gifts through other people because I am looking for them.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
I ask you Your strength, guidance, and care. I thank You for everything which has been given to me today.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will not be afraid to say thank you.

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May 3

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Some of the friends I have made in the program have become like members of a caring, nurturing family. When I can look across the room and see the sparkle in someone's eyes as they respond to me, I know without a doubt I am loved. The sense of belonging and being loved was something I always wanted desperately. I had felt like I was on the outside looking in. I was lonely even in a crowd. No longer do I have to feel alienation and loneliness, for I have come home. I have found a place where I can be me.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Help me never to take for granted the wonderful and healing gift of friendship.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
If I am feeling lonely, I can reach out to a brother or sister in the fellowship.

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May 2

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
Spiritual awakenings are sometimes disguised as rude awakenings. Our expectations can become so overstated in our minds that we lose sight of the goal of our life - happiness. Receiving life as it comes is the wisdom of the Serenity Prayer. Unmet expectations often bring anger. If we find ourselves hurt repeal, it is time to look at our priorities and our expectations realistically. Then our rude awakening becomes a spiritual awakening.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
May I have the courage to look at my wants honestly and to change them if
necessary.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
I will be grateful for rude awakenings.

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May 1

REFLECTION FOR TODAY
People need to be able to protect themselves without doing damage to others. I can learn to protect my sense of well-being without injuring someone else's. Whenever I have to say no, tell someone I do not like something they are doing, tell someone when I am hurting, and ask for, or allow, my own needs to be met, I need to do it without putting anyone else down. I need to deal with the issue, not the personality, and take responsibility for myself by not blaming others.

MEDITATION FOR TODAY
Help me to know that if I am honest, I need not become defensive.

TODAY I WILL REMEMBER
To be assertive.

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